Neener Neener Neener...

"I am rubber, you are glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you"

As a child, I remember saying the above nursery rhyme to the bullies of the playground.  As I have grown up to be the young woman I am today I have realized that bullies still and will always exist.  There will always be someone who is envious of you, competitive against you, or just makes rude comments without thinking about how those comments might hurt another person.

These verbal decisions and actions may be derived from ignorance.  They may come from the bully not knowing the history of the person they are attacking.  They might come from a twisted sense of humor.  But they almost always come from the fact that the aggressor simply does not think.  

Recently, I was the victim of verbal harassment.  It came at a time when I was completely unprepared and blind sided.  Without going in to too much detail, I was devastated that someone who I was working with on a couple different projects within my education would not only offend me, but go as far as offend my family and my heritage.

I spoke to that individual about actions that had been displayed and the teasing stopped for a while, but it never really went away.  There was a dark cloud of animosity between us and I decided to simply distance myself from the toxic atmosphere that was developing.

Not long after I made that decision, this person committed an act that was underhanded and to be frank, utterly disrespectful.  I could not stand there and take the abuse any longer.  I contacted the various authorities that I felt would be able to help me in the situation that I found myself in and emails were exchanged.  Meetings were scheduled.  

A solution was reached.  I felt much better.  I wasn't living in fear of this person anymore.  I wasn't at the mercy the uninformed and hazardous language that this person displayed any longer.  

Then, third party receivers of gossip pulled me aside.  "People want to know what happened" they tell me.  "Why did you do what you did?" they posed.  

I don't want to tell anyone what happened.  I want to put this all behind me.  I don't want to find myself turning backward into the guarded state that I was in when the abuse was occurring.  

So, what do I do? Do I just tell them and let them draw their own conclusions no matter what that is?  Do I tell them that it's personal and I don't have to tell anyone anything? 

No, that would be childish.

I think the best thing for me to do at this time is to let these people know that proprietary information has been shared with trusted parties and if them not knowing the story will impede on their ability to continue with their lives and daily tasks then they can talk with me privately and I would be happy to answer any specific questions that they may have regarding the issue.

My first reaction growing up would have been to simply fire back.  Make myself look better.  Defend myself to anyone and everyone who would listen.  But, as I have grown up and started working in a team-based sector I have learned that this is not always the best solution.  Gossip is never the answer.  I will stand to my belief that I made the correct decision for my own well being and if that isn't good enough for anyone else, then at least I can sleep at night knowing that I did what I knew in my heart was the right thing to do.