Every New Beginning

First off, I would like to apologize for the delay in updating.  A lot has been going on lately, and to be honest, life got in the way.

"Staring out the window as the clock begins to slow

I never thought that there would be a chance

The fragile winds of changing breathe emotion to resolve

and fabricate a plan to earn our name." 

- Change is What We Are by Pullman Standard

These lyrics are close to me for a few reasons, but at this moment in time, I know there are about 360 other people who can relate with them.

This afternoon when the stock market closed my CEO sent out an email.  "B+L to acquire ISTA Pharmaceuticals.  Please read immediately."

We knew something was coming.  We just didn't know what that something was, or when it would all happen.  Well, today was the day.

As I drove to work this morning, on the 5 North, I knew it wasn't a normal day.  Not only was there no traffic on a Monday morning, but there was a rainbow just south of my office building.  The parking lot was full at my office.  Executive management was anxiously and quietly twittering about the office.

Rumors started spreading about an "all-hands" meeting this afternoon when the market closed.  Sure enough, at 3:15 p.m. we were all sitting in the Multi Purpose Room listening to our CEO tell us that our Board of Directors accepted a bid from Bausch and Lomb to acquire us for about $500 million dollars.  The room fell silent.  

Not.

One.

Word.

We didn't know if the next words out of his mouth would be "pick up your pink slip on your way out" or "April Fools!"  Turns out, we all just get to go on business as usual for the next 60 days, then we will know if we have a job or not.  

Talk about stressful!  I understand why this acquisition happened; I guess I was just hoping that it wouldn't happen.  I absolutely love the company I work for.  It's small-pharma with an amazing culture.  We all genuinely care for each other.  The environment is corporate without being "Corporate."  It works.

I have a feeling that I will be needing to seriously contemplate my future and my career in the upcoming months.  I am very much facing a "that would never happen to me" moment.  Well guess what? It did.  I'm living my fear.  It took me two years to find a good job after graduation, and after nearly two amazing years at this company I might lose it.

It's time for self reflection.  It's time to get motivated.  It's time to remember to BREATHE.  It's time to face that fear.  It's time to be a grown up.

It's time.

Tough Decisions

In a couple of my previous posts I mentioned that I was the Director of Communication of the Benefactor Foundation, an up and coming non profit whose aim was to provide a scholarship to a high school student to any college he or she wanted to attend.  In another post, I mentioned some discrimination that I faced.  To bring it all together, I will now tell you that those two events are connected.

I have always stood up for myself and what I feel is the "right" thing to do.  This goes back to how I felt growing up, not really knowing my place as an adoptee.  I went through some tough times in my adolescence and I have become a much stronger person because of it.  I have learned that I have to make sure that I have confidence in conviction in all that I do.

So, you all know that I contacted the appropriate authorities regarding the discrimination I faced.  Well, apparently the actions that I took were unacceptable to the non profit that I was a part of.  The CEOs of the Benefactor Foundation believed that I should not have gone to the higher ups to explain what I had been through.  They felt that I should have handled it through them (even though, the discrimination wasn't attached to the group.)

I was forced to explain and defend my choice for an hour and a half in open forum, which I openly disagreed with. I told the group what happened and also explained to them that if they had any specific questions for me that they could ask me privately and I would be happy to answer anything they would like.  That wasn't acceptable.

I also offered to retract my statement to the authorities if the Benefactor Foundation would write up a code of conduct clause and have each member sign it in acceptance.  That wasn't an option for them. (This was a major red flag to me.)  

The meeting ended and about an hour later I received an email that said:

"The Benefactor Foundation as a group has made the decision to review your status as an officer and a member.  The board members will put this decision to a vote one week from today's date February 3rd, 2012.  Should a two-third majority be recognized you will be asked to step down from your position and the group."

Wow.  I was in shock!  I couldn't believe that a group that was about "helping people in need" would take discrimination so lightly.  I was appalled that a non-profit organization that was brought to life through a Graduate School program that is so specifically against discrimination would attempt to vote me out of my position.  I have worked with non-profit organizations since I was 12 years old.  Over half my life.  This is NOT how they should have reacted.

So I made the decision to leave the group.  I in no way want to be associated with a group that would, so it seems, push such a serious issue to the side.  It was a tough decision, but I had to stand up for myself.  I had to step away from a great idea in order to stay true to my morals and beliefs.  

To be honest, I feel so much better now.  

Always remember this.

Everything Happens for a Reason

About a month ago I posted about a house that I lost at the last minute.  Now, finally, I am able to post about the house that I did end up finding and purchasing.

I was looking mostly at short sales and foreclosures because, frankly, at 25 years old, that's what I could afford. There was a listing for a really cool looking short sale in Ladera Ranch that I wanted to go look at.  We called the agent associated with the home and met him the following weekend.  He did some research and found a couple more town-homes in the area for us to look at.

That day, we saw four condos and town homes.  Three of them were one bedrooms, one was a two bedroom.

I was determined to find a home that day.  Little did I know, I would.

When we arrived on Valmont Way, we were actually supposed to look at a split level one bedroom with an attached garage.  Unfortunately, the homeowner was still home, so we went to look at another property first to give her time to get organized and ready for us to come see her property.

My agent warned us that the condo we were looking at instead of the split level was a standard sale, but that it was within our budget, so we should look at it anyway.

I fell in love.

It two level town -home backing up to a nature preserve and hiking trails.  Two master bedrooms and three bathrooms.  Bedroom level laundry.  Dining room.  Patio.  Two-car garage.  The best part, though, is that this house was an investment property, so everything was new!  New carpet, paint, bathroom fixtures, the list goes on.  I wouldn't have to do anything but buy a fridge.

We made our offer that night.  We offered $100.00 more than the asking price to make it a round number and to show the seller that we were interested.  Several other offers were made, but the next day we got a call and our offer was accepted!  I did everything in my power not to get my hopes up like the first time. 

We chose a new lender (Prime Lending - if you're looking to purchase, I would suggest working with them.  It was a great experience!)

I'm finally all moved in, organized, and settled.  I'm still waiting for my coffee table, which has been on back order for two months.  Other than that, everything is amazing.

Now that I've officially posted about my home, I can start putting updates up that I have been wanting to, but couldn't since I hadn't make it "blog-official" yet.

Puppy Love

My Aunt Sharyl said it best last night: "they give so much and ask for so little." It's true.  All a dog ever wants is to be pet, scratched, fed, played with, tickled, walked, and cuddled.  They have little concept of time, so every experience of you entering the house after school or work is an excitement for them.  They love unconditionally.

Jake: 1999-2012

Nicky Sue 1993-2009

In the last three years I have lost my two childhood dogs.  When I was seven I got my first dog: Nicky Sue.  She was a coyote mix that we bought from a pure-bred Cockapoo breeder (we totally got had! But, I loved that dog so she's the one we bought).  I tormented and chased her all around the house and the back yard until she just layed down and tried to ignore me so I would stop.  She was my true first dog.  I even wrote a song about her when I was about 9:

Puppy Pest

My puuuuuppy is a peeeeeest

she ate my mother's vest

She swallowed up my brother's guitar

and now she is a biiiiiiiig retard 

(I guess I couldn't think of something to rhyme with guitar.)

She can be very nice

She likes to eat rice

Staring at birds makes her eat the ferns

Oh what will I do with such a puppy pest?

Once Nicky Sue outgrew her puppy pest-ness, my mom fell in love with pugs.  So, when I was 12, we went to a pure-bred pug breeder and Jake was the last one of the litter who hadn't been given a new home.  We picked him up, brought him home, I don't even think we told my dad we bought a dog until we got him in the house.

Jake always had health problems, as most pugs do.  He had cataracts, an extremely upturned nose, and he never really did figure out where his back legs were.  But that was part of his charm.  He would just kinda wander around following my mom wherever she went, lay on our feet when we were watching TV in the living room, and when it was time for a walk he would hide from us.

Jake's health had been declining pretty severely in the last couple of months and last night at about 4:30 I got a call from my mom to meet her at the Animal Hospital after work because she didn't want to be there alone.  

By 6:00, Jake was gone.  He is probably with Nicky Sue right now.  He can finally see again.  His arthritis is gone.  He can breathe easily.  Who knows, maybe he even found his back legs?  

Part of growing up is realizing that your puppy has grown up and is now a doggie elder.  Growing up means having to make the decision to end suffering. Growing up is being there for your mom when she needs a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on.

Rest in Peace Jake.  You were a good dog.

Neener Neener Neener...

"I am rubber, you are glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you"

As a child, I remember saying the above nursery rhyme to the bullies of the playground.  As I have grown up to be the young woman I am today I have realized that bullies still and will always exist.  There will always be someone who is envious of you, competitive against you, or just makes rude comments without thinking about how those comments might hurt another person.

These verbal decisions and actions may be derived from ignorance.  They may come from the bully not knowing the history of the person they are attacking.  They might come from a twisted sense of humor.  But they almost always come from the fact that the aggressor simply does not think.  

Recently, I was the victim of verbal harassment.  It came at a time when I was completely unprepared and blind sided.  Without going in to too much detail, I was devastated that someone who I was working with on a couple different projects within my education would not only offend me, but go as far as offend my family and my heritage.

I spoke to that individual about actions that had been displayed and the teasing stopped for a while, but it never really went away.  There was a dark cloud of animosity between us and I decided to simply distance myself from the toxic atmosphere that was developing.

Not long after I made that decision, this person committed an act that was underhanded and to be frank, utterly disrespectful.  I could not stand there and take the abuse any longer.  I contacted the various authorities that I felt would be able to help me in the situation that I found myself in and emails were exchanged.  Meetings were scheduled.  

A solution was reached.  I felt much better.  I wasn't living in fear of this person anymore.  I wasn't at the mercy the uninformed and hazardous language that this person displayed any longer.  

Then, third party receivers of gossip pulled me aside.  "People want to know what happened" they tell me.  "Why did you do what you did?" they posed.  

I don't want to tell anyone what happened.  I want to put this all behind me.  I don't want to find myself turning backward into the guarded state that I was in when the abuse was occurring.  

So, what do I do? Do I just tell them and let them draw their own conclusions no matter what that is?  Do I tell them that it's personal and I don't have to tell anyone anything? 

No, that would be childish.

I think the best thing for me to do at this time is to let these people know that proprietary information has been shared with trusted parties and if them not knowing the story will impede on their ability to continue with their lives and daily tasks then they can talk with me privately and I would be happy to answer any specific questions that they may have regarding the issue.

My first reaction growing up would have been to simply fire back.  Make myself look better.  Defend myself to anyone and everyone who would listen.  But, as I have grown up and started working in a team-based sector I have learned that this is not always the best solution.  Gossip is never the answer.  I will stand to my belief that I made the correct decision for my own well being and if that isn't good enough for anyone else, then at least I can sleep at night knowing that I did what I knew in my heart was the right thing to do.

Hike!

Like many Californians, I probably won't be watching the Super Bowl this year based on my love of the game.  I mean, I'm a die hard Chargers fan, and therefore not even remotely a New England fan.  Let's face it, the Giants are just another version of the Patriots anyway.  This year it's New England v New England.  Either way, a New England team is going to win, and a New England team is going to lose.  Boooooring. 

I would have been sooooo excited if a certain number-themed California team made it to the bowl, but it didn't, so I'll be hanging out watching awesome commercials on my 55" 3DHDTV instead of the game.

Coca-Cola has made watching the commercials more interesting this year.  They are introducing a live reaction format into their famed Polar Bear ads.  These bears will react during the commercial breaks to what  happened in the game. (For more info click here: Coke Polar Bowl)

This doesn't really have anything to do with being a "Grown up" other than the fact that I have my own place, with my own TV, my own beer, and my own couch to sit and channel surf on throughout the game without anyone complaining.

Some of my favorite commercials from years past are below for your viewing and reminiscing pleasure:

Budweiser 2003:

Doritos 2011:

Taco Bell 2007:

And probably the two most famous of them all
Pepsi 1992:

Budweiser 1995: 

My Old Friend

Me and Al on our way to see Tim McGraw

 January 27th is always a difficult day for me.  This year is especially difficult.

Today would have been the golden birthday of my best friend Al.  He would have turned 27 today.

I always take the time to mention my appreciation for him when his birthday comes around.  Al was my Dear Abby, as I was his.  He lived down the street and he was my best friend.  We didn't do much together outside of washing his car together, "off roading" in the dried up strawberry fields off Sand Canyon Avenue, and going up to Irvine Lake to poke around and watch the motocross guys practice. We mostly just talked.

It has been nearly nine years since his death, and I still have his cell number memorized.  I have the last picture taken of him framed in my kitchen.  I thank my lucky stars every day for allowing me to be in his life, up to the very end.

The last nine years have taught me this: Growing up does not necessarily mean healing faster.  

I thought that as the years progressed and I got older that the empty feeling in the pit of my being would slowly fill up and I could appreciate my best friend for what he was.  I hoped I would have the ability to let go of the loss and begin to officially heal.  I'm still hoping.

I miss you buddy.

"My Old Friend"  - Tim McGraw